Monday, January 19, 2009

Walls

Last week I had a comment on my blog wondering if there was anything I wasn't good at. Oh sure, there is plenty, let me tell you that. But one thing I am really good at is walls. Yup, walls. I put them up, leave them up, don't take 'em down. When they are up I don't allow anyone in. Even better yet the walls are really good at keeping any type of emotion I wouldn't want others to see. Oh, I'll let you see the fun Carin. Crazy Carin. Daring Carin. Maybe even loving Carin. But there is a lot I keep hidden behind my walls. I wish I didn't but it's just who I am.

Most of the time I bet you think I am like this little punk: We could call me strong Carin. While that is pretty true, I will go so far as to say I am strong, there is so much more to me. I AM strong but sometimes I feel like this....
..... Like I've been beat up, tossed around, thrown to the ground... exhausted

So, this is me. Attempting to bring down the walls. Well, maybe just one wall for now.

11 comments:

The J's said...

I would imagine that most of us have walls of some type that we don't let anyone see past. (Especially on public blogs!) I know I do. :) blogging is a good sort of therapy, but sometimes I just have to go journal all my frustrations somewhere else to get them out.
Chocolate? :*)

Kristen said...

Sending you a huge virtual hug. And lots of chocolate! I admire you for "keeping it real" here. Even though I can't physically help you with "life situations" since we're about a million miles apart, know I do think about you ofen through out the day.

Toni said...

Walls either keep you out, or hold you in. Bust loose, strong Carin! I believe in you. Look at your boys - all that strength didn't come just from Dad :)

The Cotton Wife said...

I have these too. It's nearly impossible for me to cry in public.

It's nice to read such honesty!

carrielt said...

Big hugs from me.

I too put up the walls. And getting me to talk about my feelings is like pulling teeth. But that's the way all the women in my family have dealt with their problems so I guess I come by it naturally.

Michele said...

Oh Carin, I could go on about walls. But I think you know about mine and I won't even begin to tell you my story, it's really too long and yucky.
I started to tear down my walls and it felt WONDERFUL to literally watch the bricks fall and crumble to the ground and watch the rays of light come shining through those little holes and cracks. I literally could feel the warmth of what I call the rays of friends coming in. Coming in to help me understand and to be there for me and sort it all out.
It's ok to let the walls down even if it is brick by brick... your friends will always be waiting for you on the other side.. don't be afraid.
((Hugs))


Oh... and yes... you may use that new link (new blog)...

Anonymous said...

Whoooaaa....DEEP THOUGHTS!! I am sure those walls will come down soon, patience.....

I reckon the best way to tear down a wall is not to let it get built to begin with, but we all know how well that works---

I'm 500 miles away from home and I'll be there soon,

Lineman

parose said...

We all have times like yours...and walls too! Sometimes we are at our wits end. It doesn't help when our main support...hubby...is away, but it all passes and soon things are back to normal in our lives. It isn't easy to be so honest and step past your fears to reveal what is in your heart. That takes courage. I admire you for that. Take heart, Carin, you are not alone.

Anonymous said...

How can I hug you, let me count the ways... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...n. When you are down and can't see over the wall, just snuggle up with Jesus and take heart, for He has overcome the world...

Cy

Anonymous said...

Buck up Sweetheart you`ve been through worse than this One of these days all this will just be a memory and you`ll be looking back with gladness that you did it all What is it they say there is no gain without pain!! love you cbinu

Brenda said...

When life gives you wall, PAINT IT or TAKE A PICTURE OF IT! Good blog, Carin!!!